Scripting

 It's always feast or famine in the pharmacy.  In the course of one day, the crazies will all come out at the same time, all the old people run out of their alzheimer pills, the phone rings off the hook, the doctors lose their minds or go on vacation, and the insurance world experiences some kind of apocalypse that wreaks havoc on pharmacy claims.   The next day: Dead.

Today was a feast day.

And man oh man did I talk to some weirdos today at work.  And was I ever a rock star!  I was so nice to those poor people, who just needed to vent to someone about the color of their drugs and how the doctor forgets every single month that he promised he was going to call in their prescription early this month because they are going out of town.   Then there was the guy who had to have his ADD drugs so he wouldn't get fired from his job for running off at the mouth. Good grief.  My advice?  Stay away from the drugs, people.  Stay far, far away.  

My very most favorite part of the day was talking to the customer service guy at the insurance company.  His name was Jason, he had a very strong Indian accent, and I will bet my left foot that Jason was not his real name.   Of course, before I ever got to talk to Jason, I spent 10 minutes dealing with their automated phone system, which went like this:

pleasant sounding computerized voice:  Thank you for calling blah blah blah insurance company. Are you calling about a part D claim? Please say yes or no.

me: no.
pscv:  Are you calling about  a retail claim other than Tricare? Please say yes or no.

me: yes.

pscv:  Please enter the identification number for the person you are calling for.

me:  I don't have it.

pscv:hmmm, lets try something else. Please enter the phone number for the person you are calling for.

me: enters phone number

pscv: I'm sorry. That doesn't seem to be a valid phone number. Please try again.

I try again.

pscv:  Let's try something else.  Please enter the identification number for the person you are calling for.

me: customer service

pscv: okay.  I'll connect you to a representative.  But first I need a little more information.  Please enter the identification number for the person you are calling for.

me:  I DON' T HAVE IT.

pscv: hmmm, lets try that again. Please enter the identification number for the person you are calling for.

me:  HUMAN BEING

pscv: Let me connect you to someone who can help.

this is the point where Jason comes in to the conversation.  I tell him I need an id number. He says he will be more than happy to help me. Then he asks for the rx number I am calling about.  I tell him the rx number is going to do him absolutely no good.  Since I do not have the id number, I have not been able to run the claim through, and he not going to find any claim from us in his system.  I just need him to look up the id number.  Then he says, "Yes, thank you, I would be more than happy to help you with that and what is the rx number you are calling about?" 

 Sigh. Arguing is futile.  I give him the rx number, and he says, "That number is not pulling anything up in my system." Duh.  " Would you like me to conduct a name and date of birth search for you?"

Oh yes, that would be lovely, Jason. Thanks. How is the weather in Delhi today?

After several more minutes, Jason provides me with a hard won id number.  I run the claim, only to get a rejection message that coverage expired in 2007.

JASON! You are messing with my mind!!  2007 was six  years ago!  But Jason only says, " I show active coverage for this patient."

Long silence.

Then he says, "Would you like me to search for active coverage for this patient?"

I don't know. Are you going to ask me for an rx number again?  Please say yes or no.

Okay, so I did embellish some of my answers with a teensy little bit more sarcasm than I actually used.  But the pscv and Jason? Those lines are pretty much word for word.  So yeah, if I'm on a little bit of a short chain when I get off work, now you'll know why.