Friday, January 25, 2013

Outta Control

Yesterday, without any warning whatsoever, I lost control of my mouth.  I yelled "what the hell!" at some poor innocent bystander who had done nothing to provoke me and must have thought I was a lunatic.

I had no idea my mouth was going to open and those words were going to come out.  I was just walking along, thinking about the stupid freezing rain that had fallen that morning, and how dumb it was that it was taking me five times longer than usual to walk from my car to my work building because I was moving across the ice sheet in the parking lot so slowly because I really really really did not want to fall.

Then all of a sudden, I realized I had just said "What the hell!" in a really loud, angry voice, and the guy nearby who was only trying to make his own careful way across the parking lot had heard me and probably assumed my profanity was directed at him.   I didn't even know my mouth was going to open.  It just popped out.

So I just glared at him for a minute then walked a little faster.

It was so weird.

I hope this is not the first symptom of a mental illness. That's the last thing I need right now.

Later in the day, I lost control of my car.  Hit a patch of black ice and slid across the road, plowed through a snow bank and crashed into a fire hydrant.  Then I got stuck in the snow bank.  I got out of the car and tried to push the car out, but that wasn't happening.  So I got back in and did the gun it  and rock it and burn all the rubber off your tires method, and I finally got out.  It was very cold, very slick, and still raining, so I drove off and left a big chunk of my bumper, a broken light, a hubcap, and some other random car parts just laying on the sidewalk.  When I got  home, I realized I probably should have made sure I didn't damage the fire hydrant.  I kind of laid awake for a while with visions of water spouting out of the ground and turning into huge piles of ice everywhere, and then the cops knocking on my door asking me to come down to the station for questioning.    But I haven't heard anything yet, so I'm hoping it's all good.

When I got home and inspected the damage  to my car a little closer, it was pretty bad.  Some black stuff is hanging off the under part of the car around the tire.  The whole right side of the bumper is gone.  The washer fluid thingy is busted.  It is probably totaled. So my insurance company rewarded with me with a brand spanking new rental car to drive!  Like that makes any sense- hey give the crazy woman driver a prize for her defensive driving skills!  This makes two cars I have demolished in the past three years.  I am on a rolllll.

On the bright side, the funniest part of this whole ice nightmare was Hokey the cat. When we opened the back door to let him out, he took a flying leap onto the back porch like he always does, hit the ice and went flying across the porch and down onto the lawn.   He recovered  his cat dignity shortly thereafter, but dang I wish I had that moment on video.    The sadder part is watching Maggie trying to make her way down off the porch to the lawn.   She slips and slides all the way,  falls down and gets stuck, gives up for a while, then struggles back up to her feet only to fall again.  Poor old doggie. We help her the best we can, but I know it hurts her to try and make her way through the snow.  She is a good sport about it all.

So, that pretty much sums up what life is like around here.  We are out of control and falling apart,  slipping and sliding every which way, saying bad words, falling down and crashing into things, and all the while, random, unexpected crap keeps falling from the sky and ruining everything.   But, at least it isn't boring.

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