This is the argument currently going on in my head every night and morning:
9:00 pm- Ugh, I promised myself I would get up and go running tomorrow. I better get to bed so I can get up at five tomorrow.
10:00 pm- I really should think about getting to bed.
11:00 pm- maybe I just won't go tomorrow. I'll set my alarm, but I don't know if I'll make it.
5:00 am- Alarm sounds. Slam down on the snooze button. I am DEFINITELY NOT GOING. No sane person gets out of bed at 5 am. What was I thinking?
5:05 am- Crap. Can't get back to sleep now. Why did I set my stupid alarm? I am NOT getting out of bed.
5:10 am- I'm going to hate myself later if I don't go.
5:11 am- I just want to go back to sleep.
5:12 am- Fine. I will just get up and see how I feel.
5:15 am- No, I don't want to go. I am not going to go. Nobody can make me go. It's cold out there. I'll just sit here and hold my head.
5:17 am- It's 48 degrees outside this morning. Perfect weather for a little run.
5:18 am- Running isn't even that good for you. I could hurt my knee.
5:20 am- I'm already up now. I'll just go out and walk a little. I don't HAVE to run.
5:22 am- Maybe I shouldn't go this morning. I could get kidnapped out there all by myself.
5:23 am- Okay. The shoes are on. I'm going.
5:24 am- I can't go. We're all out of bananas.
5:25 am- ooh, it's really nice out here. Perfect temperature, and the moon is full.
5:30 am- Up and out now. Might as well run a little.
5:30-6:15 am- Alternating bouts of euphoria and despair, and lots of heavy breathing.
6:20 am- Back home. That was GREAT! I can't wait to go again tomorrow!
All the rest of the day, until about 10 pm- Yeah, me, I"m awesome. I got up at five and went running. No big deal. I do it all the time.
Seriously, these are the thoughts in my head every morning. Why is it such a debate? Every time I go, I am glad I went. Why do I torture myself? You would think at some point, I would just be able to GO, and stop arguing with myself so much. I will never learn.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
Good Girl
Maggie Dog
July 20, 1998-March 18, 2013
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going
without pep pills,
If you can always be
cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist
complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can overlook when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can overlook when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take
criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can ignore a
friend's limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer
tension without medical help,
If you can relax without
liquor,
If you can sleep without
the aid of drugs,
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics,
Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.
Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.
—Author unknown
Our family dog, loyal friend, companion in all the adventures of growing up, we couldn't have asked any more of you. Thank you for so many years of devotion. Even when the aches and pains of old age slowed you down, you played hard to the very end. It was such a hard decision to say goodbye. Our house and our hearts feel empty tonight. You'll always be with us.
Safe journey, old Mags. We love you.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Thirteen Going On....
It's rough turning 13.
It's so embarrassing.
Having your family sing to you.
Everyone staring at you.
They might even ask what you wished for.
And your mother always takes too many pictures.
My St. Patrick's Day baby went and turned into a teenager. Here is a picture of her party on Saturday with her friends. I requested that she keep it small. So she invited "only" 12 girls.
Today, we had to get up early and be at church by nine. So her birthday breakfast was a krispy kreme donut in the shape of a leprechaun with 13 candles crammed into it.
I hope she had a fun day. It's hard to tell with a thirteen year old. But she has brought so much joy and love into my life, I hope that her birthday gave her just a little piece of that happiness back to her.
Love that girl. Always have, always will. Like the song goes, I knew I loved her before I met her. I hope we find our way through the next few years together, and come out still friends.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Haitian Hygiene
Oh Haiti, why am I thinking about you so much lately?
I never wrote much about what happened there.
I intended to. I kept a notebook while I was there, and tried to keep track of what was happening. I must have been half out of my mind though, because it all sounds like gobbeldy gook to me now.
I think that being out of your mind in a place like Haiti is normal. Life there is just.....crazy.
Actually, the first word that comes to mind when I think about Haiti is exhaustion. I was in a state of complete exhaustion, in every way. Physical. Mental. Emotional. Spiritual.
Everything- even the simplest things- are hard there. Washing your hands is hard. You almost have to take a buddy with you to wash your hands properly, because of all the steps involved. First you have to go dig out all your hand washing supplies. Anytime you do anything in Haiti, you have to go dig through your stuff to find what it is you need. You can't leave stuff sitting around. It will get dirty. Or wet. Or stolen. One of the three. So. Going to the bathroom? Gotta go find your toilet paper. Need a drink? Go find your water bottle. Want to go visit the next door neighbors? Get your hat, backpack, snacks and water bottle, because it's a two mile hike over the mountain.
Back to the art of handwashing though. Poke around in your bag until you find your soap and towel. Then hike up the path to where the barrel is that holds the rain water, which is the cleanest water available for washing in.
You wouldn't want to drink it though. Find a clean spot in the dirt to set your stuff down while you get the bucket out of the rain barrel and pour some water over your hands. Get your soap and lather up your hands. Set soap back down. Retrieve the bucket and pour some more water over your hands. Get your towel and dry off. Hike back to camp. Put your soap and towel away. Take a step forward and touch something and BOOM your hands are dirty again. You just can't imagine how dirty every thing there is.
Now imagine showering.
First off, it's not a shower. It's a dribble. It's a hollow cement block with a camel back hooked up at the top.
You open the spout on the camel back and let a little water run over your hair and body. You shampoo as much grime off as you can and attempt a rinse. When you get out, you are as hot and sticky and sweaty as when you started. A couple of times we hiked up to the river to take a bath. That was a work out too. The river has a gorgeous pool with a water fall that is an idyllic bathing spot. But its about a mile and a half hike to get there. And when I say hike, that is an understatement. It is more like a climb. Carrying a towel, soap, shampoo, clean clothes, and a flashlight because it will be dark by the time you are done because you have seen patients since about seven that morning, and now at sunset are finally getting away from the clinic. The actual time spent in the river is like paradise. You don't want to get out. The water is so warm there- not at all like the melted snow you find in rivers in Utah. The water is deep enough that you can soak in it and dip your hair in it and get it really clean. Don't put your face in the water though! As a sheltered American who does not have immunity to whatever is living in that water, you cannot risk getting it in your eyes or mouth. But it's worth it, because for about 10 minutes after you get out you actually feel clean. Then you try to dry off as much as you can, and you start the trek back to the clinic. On the way back down, you notice some giant white crab-looking things floating in the river. You wonder about what might have been sharing your bath with you...
By the time you get back to the clinic, you are dripping in sweat once again. But at least you got clean for minute. Much better than the dribble from the camel back in the cement block.
Now, if you can just find the energy to brush your teeth. First off though, put your shower stuff away, hike up the hill to hang up your towel and pray that it will get dry by morning. It wont, be, but with any luck, it won't get stolen. Then go get your toothbrush, your flashlight , your water bottle, and your toothbrushing buddy, and go stand at the edge of the path where there is a little cliff. All the toothpaste spit goes over the edge of the cliff where nobody will step in it. Except that sometimes there are Haitians down there, so be careful. After you brush your teeth, you get your handwashing supplies back out and hike back up the path to use the bathroom and wash your hands one more time before going to bed.
Even with all this work, I still smelled horrific the entire week. I think if I hadn't showered or brushed anything at all, anywhere on my body, I would not have smelled any worse than I did.
I'm pretty sure the Haitians thought we were nuts, with all our soap and hand sanitizer and deodorant. And the really weird part? They never seemed dirty. I couldn't seem to walk across the courtyard of the clinic without sweating up a storm and getting dirt on my butt and smudges of dust on my face. These people would show up in the clinic in spotless white shirts and pressed slacks, having hiked for literally hours over treacherous paths, most of them with 3 or 4 shiny little kids in tow. Some of them looked like they were going to church, and in truth, many of them would wear their very best clothes to come to the clinic, because to them, it was a HAPPENING to get to see a doctor, a real honor. But how in the heck did they get there and be so clean?
One of the many mysteries of life.
I never wrote much about what happened there.
I intended to. I kept a notebook while I was there, and tried to keep track of what was happening. I must have been half out of my mind though, because it all sounds like gobbeldy gook to me now.
I think that being out of your mind in a place like Haiti is normal. Life there is just.....crazy.
Actually, the first word that comes to mind when I think about Haiti is exhaustion. I was in a state of complete exhaustion, in every way. Physical. Mental. Emotional. Spiritual.
Everything- even the simplest things- are hard there. Washing your hands is hard. You almost have to take a buddy with you to wash your hands properly, because of all the steps involved. First you have to go dig out all your hand washing supplies. Anytime you do anything in Haiti, you have to go dig through your stuff to find what it is you need. You can't leave stuff sitting around. It will get dirty. Or wet. Or stolen. One of the three. So. Going to the bathroom? Gotta go find your toilet paper. Need a drink? Go find your water bottle. Want to go visit the next door neighbors? Get your hat, backpack, snacks and water bottle, because it's a two mile hike over the mountain.
Back to the art of handwashing though. Poke around in your bag until you find your soap and towel. Then hike up the path to where the barrel is that holds the rain water, which is the cleanest water available for washing in.
 |
| The "sink" |
You wouldn't want to drink it though. Find a clean spot in the dirt to set your stuff down while you get the bucket out of the rain barrel and pour some water over your hands. Get your soap and lather up your hands. Set soap back down. Retrieve the bucket and pour some more water over your hands. Get your towel and dry off. Hike back to camp. Put your soap and towel away. Take a step forward and touch something and BOOM your hands are dirty again. You just can't imagine how dirty every thing there is.
Now imagine showering.
First off, it's not a shower. It's a dribble. It's a hollow cement block with a camel back hooked up at the top.
 |
| The shower. I mean dribble. |
You open the spout on the camel back and let a little water run over your hair and body. You shampoo as much grime off as you can and attempt a rinse. When you get out, you are as hot and sticky and sweaty as when you started. A couple of times we hiked up to the river to take a bath. That was a work out too. The river has a gorgeous pool with a water fall that is an idyllic bathing spot. But its about a mile and a half hike to get there. And when I say hike, that is an understatement. It is more like a climb. Carrying a towel, soap, shampoo, clean clothes, and a flashlight because it will be dark by the time you are done because you have seen patients since about seven that morning, and now at sunset are finally getting away from the clinic. The actual time spent in the river is like paradise. You don't want to get out. The water is so warm there- not at all like the melted snow you find in rivers in Utah. The water is deep enough that you can soak in it and dip your hair in it and get it really clean. Don't put your face in the water though! As a sheltered American who does not have immunity to whatever is living in that water, you cannot risk getting it in your eyes or mouth. But it's worth it, because for about 10 minutes after you get out you actually feel clean. Then you try to dry off as much as you can, and you start the trek back to the clinic. On the way back down, you notice some giant white crab-looking things floating in the river. You wonder about what might have been sharing your bath with you...
 |
| Our bathtub. Not a great picture because it was always dark by the time we got up there. |
By the time you get back to the clinic, you are dripping in sweat once again. But at least you got clean for minute. Much better than the dribble from the camel back in the cement block.
Now, if you can just find the energy to brush your teeth. First off though, put your shower stuff away, hike up the hill to hang up your towel and pray that it will get dry by morning. It wont, be, but with any luck, it won't get stolen. Then go get your toothbrush, your flashlight , your water bottle, and your toothbrushing buddy, and go stand at the edge of the path where there is a little cliff. All the toothpaste spit goes over the edge of the cliff where nobody will step in it. Except that sometimes there are Haitians down there, so be careful. After you brush your teeth, you get your handwashing supplies back out and hike back up the path to use the bathroom and wash your hands one more time before going to bed.
 |
| the most disgusting |
Even with all this work, I still smelled horrific the entire week. I think if I hadn't showered or brushed anything at all, anywhere on my body, I would not have smelled any worse than I did.
I'm pretty sure the Haitians thought we were nuts, with all our soap and hand sanitizer and deodorant. And the really weird part? They never seemed dirty. I couldn't seem to walk across the courtyard of the clinic without sweating up a storm and getting dirt on my butt and smudges of dust on my face. These people would show up in the clinic in spotless white shirts and pressed slacks, having hiked for literally hours over treacherous paths, most of them with 3 or 4 shiny little kids in tow. Some of them looked like they were going to church, and in truth, many of them would wear their very best clothes to come to the clinic, because to them, it was a HAPPENING to get to see a doctor, a real honor. But how in the heck did they get there and be so clean?
One of the many mysteries of life.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
The Crazies
Today was CRAZY HAIR DAY!
One of Olivia's most favorite days of the school year.
The crazy part comes when she tells me 10 minutes before I am walking out the door that it is crazy hair day at school, and then we scramble like mad to come up with something crazy that doesn't make her feel embarrassed. It needs to be crazy but not too crazy.
Tomorrow, she has just informed me, is dress like your favorite sport day. She wanted to wear her dance outfit. We had a debate about whether or not dance is a sport. Then she decided she would just wear her swim goggles. Because she does love swimming, and it is more sporty than dance.
I'm just glad we got all that worked out the night before. Even if it was at 10:30 and she was sitting at the kitchen table eating chips and drinking root beer. We CANNOT get this child to go to bed anymore. And that is driving me crazy.
Another thing driving me crazy is this stupid no chocolate thing. Eighteen days left. There were M&M's in my house tonight and I did not eat one. I turned down a symphony bar the other night too. And chocolate cookies at work. And guess what? Life without chocolate is no life at all.
The crazy part comes when she tells me 10 minutes before I am walking out the door that it is crazy hair day at school, and then we scramble like mad to come up with something crazy that doesn't make her feel embarrassed. It needs to be crazy but not too crazy.
Tomorrow, she has just informed me, is dress like your favorite sport day. She wanted to wear her dance outfit. We had a debate about whether or not dance is a sport. Then she decided she would just wear her swim goggles. Because she does love swimming, and it is more sporty than dance.
I'm just glad we got all that worked out the night before. Even if it was at 10:30 and she was sitting at the kitchen table eating chips and drinking root beer. We CANNOT get this child to go to bed anymore. And that is driving me crazy.
Another thing driving me crazy is this stupid no chocolate thing. Eighteen days left. There were M&M's in my house tonight and I did not eat one. I turned down a symphony bar the other night too. And chocolate cookies at work. And guess what? Life without chocolate is no life at all.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Nothing Much
I feel like I have nothing to say on here anymore. Same old stuff going on. Doctor appointments. Eye appointments. Choir concerts. Birthday party planning. Job interviews. Work, work, and more work. On our days off we do laundry. It's an exciting life, it really is. No news is good news I suppose.
Duncan and I drove to Midvale today for his six-month check in with his autism doctor. I love that doctor. She spent an hour and a half with us again today, just getting to know Duncan and filling us in on some things that will help him get qualified for SSI. On the drive out there, Duncan asked me what my biggest fear was. I told him spiders. He said his biggest fear was Slender Man. I am unfamiliar with Slender Man, but apparently, he is a video game character. Duncan also said that he has big plans for after his mission: Buy a Wii U. Buy a PlayStation 4. Get an apartment. Oh, and a job. I said what about a wife. Duncan said uhhhh. I'm thinking that if Duncan finds a wife, she will have to be okay with coming in second to his video games. But I do know some girls whose future husbands will come in second to their video games, so I guess it's possible.
And also, spiders are not really my biggest fear.
Duncan and I drove to Midvale today for his six-month check in with his autism doctor. I love that doctor. She spent an hour and a half with us again today, just getting to know Duncan and filling us in on some things that will help him get qualified for SSI. On the drive out there, Duncan asked me what my biggest fear was. I told him spiders. He said his biggest fear was Slender Man. I am unfamiliar with Slender Man, but apparently, he is a video game character. Duncan also said that he has big plans for after his mission: Buy a Wii U. Buy a PlayStation 4. Get an apartment. Oh, and a job. I said what about a wife. Duncan said uhhhh. I'm thinking that if Duncan finds a wife, she will have to be okay with coming in second to his video games. But I do know some girls whose future husbands will come in second to their video games, so I guess it's possible.
And also, spiders are not really my biggest fear.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Super Mom
Duncan had the day off from school today and I was working on the computer all morning and into the afternoon, slaving away at my income tax filing and getting my recertification done for my job. It must have looked to Duncan as if I was enjoying myself.
Around noon, he comes up behind me and says,
"So THIS is what you do all day?"
Apparently I was really putting a crimp in his plans for his day off.
Then tonight, Audrey asked me to help her change the light bulb in her room. I was busy getting my lunch ready to take to work tomorrow so I told her to ask her dad to help her.
"But it's dark in there," she says. "Dad won't be able to see anything."
Because I have mom eyes. I can see everything.
Around noon, he comes up behind me and says,
"So THIS is what you do all day?"
Apparently I was really putting a crimp in his plans for his day off.
Then tonight, Audrey asked me to help her change the light bulb in her room. I was busy getting my lunch ready to take to work tomorrow so I told her to ask her dad to help her.
"But it's dark in there," she says. "Dad won't be able to see anything."
Because I have mom eyes. I can see everything.
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