Anxiety

Honestly, there are days when I feel incredibly ill equipped to be mother to the nearly ten year old child that is mine.  She can wear on my nerves and my mind like no other child before her.

Today, for instance.  Olivia has never learned to ride a bike. Not for lack of trying on my part, but a lack of effort and interest on hers.  I told her that it was basically a requirement of life to learn to ride a bike, and that I was going to make sure she learned this summer.  Complete meltdown mode followed. She cried and cried  about how much she hated to ride a bike, and then went into full on anxiety attack about all the reasons she could never learn: she might fall and hit her head, she might fall and skin her knee, bikes are boring, she can't steer, she can't stop, she can't balance, she looks stupid in a helmet,  she can't play outside because of the mosquitoes.  I try so hard to be calm and rational and help her work through her many fears, but by the end of the night, I was at my rope's end. I decided I was going to call her doctor and demand that she be put on something for anxiety. I searched my memory, trying to figure out what had happened that had traumatized her so.  And then, suddenly, she goes out, climbs on her bike without protest, and spent a good, happy productive hour, making fantastic progress in learning to ride.  If she keeps up this way, she will  be riding with the best of them in another week.  After she was through, she said, "Bikes look boring, but they really are fun." And then all was well. I can't decide if she just really talented at pushing my buttons, if she just needs to get her anxiety out vocally before she can function, or if she is seriously disturbed.

And since we are talking openly about anxiety on here, I finally worked up the gumption to drag myself to the dentist today. I have canceled my appointment the last two times because I just did not want to go. It was only for a cleaning, and I'm not usually a wuss about the dentist, but I just couldn't do it.  Today, I forced myself to actually show up for my appointment, and guess what? No cavities! And a "good job" from the hygienist. I'm free for six months!

Joy Overfloweth

I just got a notification on Facebook that my 30th high school reunion is coming up.

Thirty years!

 I believe I have been lost in a time warp. If I woke up tomorrow, and the past thirty years had only been a dream, and I was still a senior in high school, it would feel more believable to me than the fact that I have been alive long enough to be having a 30th high school reunion. Maybe I could believe that I was having my 10th reunion, but no way my 30th.

Except that when I think about it, most of high school is a bit of a  blur now. I don't remember some of my teacher's names anymore. I don't remember who I went to the junior prom with. And boy oh boy did we all have awful hair.

They have scheduled the reunion for August 8.

August 8.

The day before August 9.

Which means,  I DON'T HAVE TO GO!!

I'm not even going to try and hide my joy in the fact that the reunion is scheduled for the same weekend as Alisa's wedding.  I am giddy over the idea that not only do I not have to go, (which I wouldn't go anyway) but I have a completely foolproof, waterproof, guiltproof excuse for not going. There will be no hemming and hawing about it this year. Nobody trying to convince me how fun it will be to go.  No wondering or worrying if I am missing out, if I SHOULD go. No feeling like a party pooper.

I AM NOT GOING. And I'm happy.

Call me crazy.  I would rather spend a whole week hosting a boatload of  French strangers as house guests and cater a wedding in the mountains than go spend four hours having fake conversations with fat old people that I haven't spoken to in thirty years, and never cared that much about anyway. And yes, I realize that I also am an old fat person. I just don't need to be reminded of it by seeing the faces of people who are as old as me. 

Seriously Lame Ramblings About Books, Fat and Taxes

First off, a shout out to our lovely Alisa who turned 24 on Tuesday. I so missed being able to hang out with her and eat cake that day. I haven't spent a birthday with her since I don't know when. 2013 perhaps?

Anyhow, I love her.

Also on Tuesday, we had this terrible wind storm. Our neighborhood was littered with flyaway trampolines and garbage cans. Then it started raining mud. Then on Wednesday, the 15th, it snowed. All day. More snow than we have seen in these parts since December.  Then our water heater went out. No hot showers for us on that cold snowy night. And to put the cherry on top of the cake of our day, not only did we send off some big fact checks for 2014 taxes, the IRS also chose that day to notify us that we  owe them a pile of money for 2013.  Isn't that just fantastic news?  Just when I thought we could stop sweating about the taxes we knew we owed, now we get to figure out how to pay even more taxes that we didn't know we owed. And the BEST part is that 2013 is the first year we paid someone to do our taxes. And the error was his fault. He made a mistake in entering one of the amounts from one of our statements.  I'm just so delighted with this news I might puke.  Last year I was raving about how much I loved my tax man. This year I'm thinking about broken knee caps.

All of this angst has made me tired. So tired, all I can do is eat and read. I ate so much Easter candy this year.  I kept finding Peeps on clearance, and how can you turn down a yellow chick peep? Olivia and I are the only real peep eaters in our family. Duncan will have one in a pinch, but  me and Liv consumed many many packages of peeps over the past few weeks.  I think finally the stores have been depleted of clearance Easter candy.  And we are in the clear for a while now as far as candy holidays go. It starts in October with Halloween, and all those food holidays just keep rolling on in, straight through to Easter. Summer holidays are less food oriented, so I figure the next eight months are the perfect time to diet. Good timing since  tomorrow I am starting a Biggest Loser contest with my neighbors.  What with taxes and a water heather and a wedding to pay for, I better win.

Oh, and what am I reading you ask? Currently, I am half way through Saving CeCe Honeycut which my friend Mindy loaned to me. I'm about a third of the way through Eighty Dollar Champion, which is our book club book this month. I have to finish that by May 7. And I just got notified that  Gone Girl is available for me to borrow on my Kindle, so now I have to start that one too. But I don't want to see the movie.

Will is camping tonight with the Young Men. Dan is working. Audrey has her friends Alaina and Becka staying the night. Olivia is playing minecraft on her ipod. I am thinking about all the things I could get done tonight and probably won't do, even though I did clean my toilet and mirror. Duncan has been teaching Audrey and her friends to play a game on the Wii. Seriously, that kid should probably consider a career as a gamer.  He is scary good, which is no surprise when you consider how much time he spends doing it. I spend all my time trying to get him to do something else. Maybe I should see about entering him in some tournaments.

I just remembered that I have a Milky Way Midnight stashed in my purse that  I need to eat before I go weigh in tomorrow. So, here's to a Friday night spent in bed with my book, my dog and some chocolate.

To South San Pete and Back Again

Growing up, anytime my mom wanted to really drive home a point about something being far away, she would say something along the lines of "That's clear out in South San Pete County!" Being young and dumb, I had no idea where South San Pete county was.  Was it even in Utah? Was it in the U.S.? It sounded to me like it might be south of the border. All I knew was South San Pete was way too far to go. 

Fast forward forty years, and lo and behold, Olivia is assigned to do a county report on none other than San Pete county.  Having a day of spring break to kill, and not much else going on, taking a day trip down south seemed like a perfect way for her to experience all the joys of San Pete county first hand.  I dragged my mom and the older kids along as well. Now, finally, we can all say we have been not only to San Pete County, but also to SOUTH San Pete County. The farthest spot away in the universe of my childhood.

We actually made it without getting lost.

First stop was a really cool museum in Fairview. They have a life size model of a mammoth that was found in a canyon down there.

And a rock they got out of another canyon that Kit Carson chiseled his name into in 1844. There is another cool museum next door to this one that is full of pioneer artifacts. It is in an old school building that was built about 1905.

 Lunch was in Fairview where we watched People's Court while dining on burgers and fries.

Then we stopped in Historic Spring City and saw another old school house and a jail. We meant to stop and see a pioneer dugout that is down there somewhere too, but we spaced it. Next time we find ourselves in South San Peter, we will be sure and get there.

Then it was off to Snow College. We were in desperate need of ice cream, but couldn't find anywhere open on campus that sold ice cream. So instead we took part in a psychology experiment that two students were doing. We had to taste two different drinks, one red and one blue and tell them which one we liked better.  It wasn't ice cream, but at least it was something.

The kids learned that Snow College was named after Lorenzo and/or Erastus Snow, which they did not know. Audrey and Will both thought it looked like a fun place to go.

Just a piece down the road was the Manti Temple. Audrey rolled down the hill and we climbed about a million steps to get up behind the temple.

Which wore us all out.

 Then we drove home through Moroni, missing the Norbest Turkey plant tour. We left behind San Pete County somewhere around  Levan,  We got stuck in a terrible traffic jam from Provo to Lehi. Then we stopped at Ikea for Swedish meatballs with Lingonberry sauce. Olivia got napkins with some ribs on the side.

 We spent about 30 minutes shopping in Ikea before Will nearly imploded and I had to get him out of there pronto. The boy is not a shopper. I did manage to get some glasses and candles though, and some new toilet bowl brushes, woohoo.

And then we came home, and then it was Easter, and this is the only Easter picture I took. It is of two of my favorite people though, so I think it's a good one.