Wednesday, May 6, 2015


When I was in school, I had a human development class where they gave us an egg and told us to carry it around with us everywhere we went and treat it like a baby.  It was supposed to make us realize what a pain kids are. I think mine lasted about three days before some stupid boy tossed it down the hall and broke it. I was so mad.

Nowadays, that same class is called teen living, and nowadays  in that class  they put you on a bus and take you to La Caille for a fancy French dinner.  And instead of eggs as pretend babies, now they give you robotic babies in car seats that you get to take with you everywhere you go for three days. Not always at the same time as the fancy restaurant,  but in Audrey's case,  the two events coincided perfectly, and she found herself in La Caille, eating escargot and crepes while trying to comfort a screaming robotic baby.

Meet Steven. Steven is the fake baby in the car seat. Steven is also a girl. Audrey named her that,  which stands as glaring example number one of why teenagers should not have babies: because they do stupid things like naming girls Steven.

I also think the words above Audrey's head in this picture dovetail nicely with the image. The thoughts of Audrey with any kind of baby, in any form, just no, do not.

Steven is quite a wonder to behold though.  She weighs seven pounds. She needs to be fed with a special bottle every so often. She needs her diaper changed regularly, and she needs to be held and rocked. She even records how well her head is supported while you are holding her, and if she ever gets shaken.  At the end of the assignment, the teacher grades how well you did by what the baby's computer recorded.  She kept Audrey up all night last night.  In the morning, Audrey came stumbling out of her bedroom bleary eyed and asking for caffeine. Hah! What a lightweight.

At any rate, if Audrey can survive one more night, she gets to turn Steven back in tomorrow and go on about her carefree teenage life once again. However, Steven has been very quiet tonight. Haven't heard a peep out of her in quite some time. We are a little bit scared that she is dead.  That would be a blow to the old grade point average for sure.

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